For God sake I managed to get all the kids to sleep on my own as the hubster is out at shooting practice and I feel amazing.
My plan was to then wash baby bottles, sterilise them and get some shut eye on the sofa till Hollie decides to wake up again!
I was singing a little victory song until I walked into the living room to see giganta spider has returned. The dyson wasn't quick enough to vacuum it up and the bloody thing was so speedy. Evalyn then woke up and wanted to cuddle on the sofa, so we sat down and I was routing through my changing bag when out literally jumped the bloody spider.
Ffs I set the cat on it but buzz wasn't quick enough and I now can't nap till I know the little bugger isn't going to eat me in my sleep.

Where's the justice, I have sleeping kids but I'm wide awake on spider watch!!!

So what idiot thinks it's a good idea to write a blog about not sleeping. I am honestly deluded and a bit of a fool for thinking it was actually possible to achieve such lofty parenting feats when in such a shit headspace!

Well I'm now on child number 3 so have begun on the road of no sleep again. Not only do I lack sleep I am pushed daily to my patience limits with all the bloody bickering that goes on between my 4 and 3 year old!!

On a slightly different tact, the other day I went to a friend's wedding who I haven't seen in a long time. His mum was there and came up to me and the hubster, she started rubbing my tum and asking when it was due. Oh my god - that's right that awful thing that you hear about happening to other people happened to me. So what grown up stance did I take!?! I told her I'd had the baby 4 months ago then turned on my heels, ran to the loo and had a little cry!

Wah - since having Hollie I've felt pooped about all the weight I've put on but Ive tried to chill out about it. Ffs this woman just confirmed my inner voice that constantly moans at me if I try on some new clothes or just simply look in the mirror.

But rather than bottling it up I've talked about it and although it's a bit shit admitting to everyone this has happened I actually feel a bit better. The worst has happened so it can only get better from now on right!?! (Well here's hoping anyway)

Well tonight is going to be pants, poor hollie is really really snotty and full of cold. Every time I try to lie her down she cries, then wails like a banshee and starts coughing on her snot. I shall have another night sleeping upright on the sofa trying to help hollie not choke!

In addition I suspect my middle child jack will wake up and demand something of me. Last night the Lego aeroplane he went to bed with had broken. So at 1am I was rebuilding said plane so he would go back to sleep!

Although sleep is massively a thing of the past for me, it's definitely not so bad with the 3rd child. Although she doesn't sleep perfectly I am more relaxed about it so life definitely feels easier even though it's probably a bit harder!

Right I'm stopping now and gonna resume my upright sleeping position for the night.

Sleep well everyone
Peace xxx

A little bit of 'me' time

It is so incredibly easy to forget to look after yourself. I haven't written on this blog for ages, for a multitude of reasons, someone's been ill, then someone else was ill, then no one is sleeping then this, that and the other!
I was busy just getting on with it all and forgetting about myself. When I think about my daughter I don't want her acting like a martyr and running round after everyone else all the time. But how will she learn if I say one thing but do another. I had become quite good at realising when I needed to refill my emotional tank! But for a while I've slowly slipped of my own radar and then wondered 'why am I feeling rubbish and a little bit irrational!'
So I'm here at the hairdressers have my blondeness restored and have a really good gossip with the hairdresser. (I used to hate talking at the hairdressers but now I enjoy a really good chit chat about the world)
I've also been doing bootcamp which involves 45min sessions three times a week. I cannot recommend this highly enough. My babies see a happier mummy and I genuinely feel happier and more sorted in life. I couldn't see how I would have the time to fit in all this exercise before I started bootcamp. My life was busy enough, why was I trying to fit in more!?!
But for some reason I feel more in control I am happier and I feel more energised to be running round with my babies. And as a bonus I also sleep sounder too.
I love this feeling and for ages I've been plodding along lacking the energy I needed to feel human!!
I didn't realise a little me of regular me time and some good food was all I needed to feel this good.
Love to you all XXX

'Be Kind to Yourself'

So 'be kind to yourself' is a mantra I've been told by various people in my life. I find it really easy to assume the worst and act like the glass is half empty. The trouble is, lack of or limited sleep, only exacerbates the self deprecating part of me!!!
So about a year ago I got myself a little whiteboard and wrote my new mantra on it. Gradually I've learnt to give myself a break. I don't need to complete everything at once by some deadline I've artificially set myself.
If the washing up doesn't get done nothing bad is going to happen. If the pile of ironing turns into a mountain,  no one will be hurt. So when things go wrong and not according to plan, shrug your shoulders accept you're not perfect and enjoy the time with your family. Life is far too short and complicated to not enjoy your babies.
Being around kids makes me act like a kid and forget the big world (which is sometimes tough). My aim is to act like a kid for as long as I can.
Since having my babies, I get to play and giggle and marvel at their ability to pick things up all day long :)
I've also met some amazing new friends, and we pick each other up if one is struggling. So, don't just be kind to yourself, be kind to other mummies and tell them what a great job they're doing xx

Deciding that my babies DON'T have sleep problems

When trying to decide what to do about sleeping baby problems talk to everyone. I think having a good natter with lots of other people will help you find your own feelings.

I remember feeling so conflicted about letting my boy sleep in my bed at night (every night)! The whole world seemed to tell me that I was 'creating a rod for my own back.' So I tried letting him cry in his cot but it only ever broke my heart.

It was then I realised that my (well hidden) mummy instincts were letting me know what I was comfortable with.
Comforting my boy at night when he's sobbing helps him and helps me as well. He wakes up in the night and just needs me and I'm there.
The minute I took the decision, that sleeping in my bed wasn't a big problem, I felt so much better about it all. Now I no longer have sleep issues with my kids.
When they need me I'm there and I sleep sounder knowing they are OK. But that's not right for everyone, us adults are all different so why would we expect all our babies to be the same!!

Although I'm not gonna lie, I've still got my fingers crossed that I'll have a Jack free night tonight ;)